I have to say, I planned on documenting this pregnancy week by week, but I guess it’s true what they say – there is way less time to do all of these little keepsake updates after baby #1. Despite being in lockdown, I still have a house, a 7 year old child and other things that need doing and that take priority. Like my first pregnancy, I wanted to make sure I had weekly bump photos – not even for anyone else but myself, but right now, that’s just a “do as and when I remember” right now.
I have to admit, the last month has been surreal – between pushing to work from home, then working from home and tending to a child with additional needs, school work and being pregnant, it’s been an adjustment. I won’t go into using what now feels like buzz phrases: “time of uncertainty,” “unprecedented times”, etc, but it really does feel that way – I’ve just been saying that it’s a lot.
There’s not really any other way to describe this entire situation whilst being pregnant, because it’s been just that; a lot.
Despite being an introvert and thriving on being in my own space with my family, it’s been incredibly difficult not having the chance to spend my time with the rest of my family or seeing my friends. I’m sure if you’re currently expecting, or having just had a baby, you can relate – it is incredibly lonely.
The first three months were a whirlwind, with not being able to talk about it openly, you still feel on your own and now I’m right back at square one. I was looking forward to regular catch ups with my friends, baby shopping, scans (and now I’ll be going to those appointments on my own too), a shower perhaps, antenatal classes but not for the breathing – for the relationships that I could build on with other expectant mums beyond pregnancy. You’re back to feeling so lonely once that baby is born and having people around you in the same situation is incredibly comforting.
I can do week by week updates on Instagram until my head explodes, but it just isn’t the same as sharing the excitement with your friends and family. My first pregnancy was tinged with disappointment and sadness because of my age and educational situation. This time round I was so excited for this pregnancy to be completely different – the way it should have been, really. So I do apologise if you’re already sick of me talking about it all; it just isn’t the same sharing photos of your growing bump vs squealing about it with your best friends.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m trying to stay positive – I’m so grateful for the other pregnant ladies on Instagram who regularly message to tell me how they’re feeling and how we’re all in the same boat, for having a partner who is doing all he can to make sure I’m comfortable and for friends who check in with me as much as possible.
Unfortunately “in these unprecedented times”, I’m just going to have to deal with the fact that it’s not the pregnancy I envisioned, but we are all healthy and that’s what I need to remember.